“Ouch,” I screamed. And I added a few expletives.
I’d pulled asparagus off the grill and olive oil (which my spouse, of course, later reminded me that I didn’t need to use) splattered down my leg.
“Help!” I called.
Immediately, I knew I needed help to tame the burn.
Anxiety can have a similar OUCH moment, yet we don’t always know if we need help and there is an added layer of social stigma that has evolved from cultural narratives,[1] leaving us thinking if I ask for help: I’m weak. I’m stupid. I’m…I’m…I’m…I’m…I’m…I’m…
- But I’m also lonely as heck.
- Sweating at social gatherings.
- Internally yelling at myself for everything I do or say.
- Terrified of today and my future.
- Ruminating on regrets from the past.
Too rarely, we reveal fears or face them. We mask the expressions, with “I’m fine,” surface social norms or layers of cover up concealing sleepless nights’ worth of acne or eye bags. Sometimes we deny their existence. But they linger, maybe even grow and intertwine into a complicated mess.
Over time and left unattended, anxiety winds itself into a layered and tight rubber band ball of stress. Tug at one band and you pull at four others. It’s a snappy, mighty force.
A situation, person, place, or thing could connect our brain knowingly or unknowingly to a stressor. A stressor is something that elevates a stress reaction in our brain and nervous system. Some stressors are obviously traumatic and others may be uniquely defined as stressful to us. Anxiety awakens when a stressor bings our brain and nervous system to protect, defend, care, and/or, fear the stressor.
Big test? Bing.
New romance? Bing.
Demanding, unforgiving job? Bing. Bing. Bingo.
No one has a right to tell us what is or isn’t stressful, and yet – we have a right to get a handle on what is happening with stressors. Getting a handle on something may take time: think first day of school versus fiftieth; think new in-laws; think parenting; think pet life; think new boss.
Similarly, thoughts and feelings and physical sensations may unconsciously (which is the fancy way of our language brain part’s not knowing or naming with awareness what is happening at the time) – these thoughts, feelings, and sensations may WHOOSH our brain into a state of experiencing a seemingly novel situation as if it were a previous moment of high stress or narrative information. Think: dog that knocked you down as a kid (phobic); fear of a certain type of human (this is how systemic racism persists or stereotyping isolation); think personalities we swear we will never date again (all or nothing reasoning).
Terry Real[2] does a fabulous job in his work, specifically his latest publication: Fierce Intimacy, explaining WHOOSH. It’s a relatable expression for clinical jargon other health care providers might refer to as trauma brain or primal brain or automatic reactions. Left unattended, we can become that snappy ball that lives in one or combos thereof of all these states: FIGHT, FLIGHT, FREEZE, FAWN, or FIXATE.[3]
WHOOSH is the way our brain and nervous system tries to protect us, just as when hot oil hit my leg and fought back with expletives. Our brain might go into a fight (don’t mess with me), flight (avoid or head under the covers), freeze (loss of words or body going limp), fawn (intense people pleasing), or fixate (the uber problem solver and ruminator) mode. One or a mixed bag of these varieties become commonplace for many of us, so common it feels like an inherent part of our personality.
Take a couple days to observe yourself.
What a novel concept in 2023! Dare you.
Observe rather than immediately react or jump to conclusions. Consider if you’re experiencing any OUCH level anxiety, and – if so – what is your most frequent WHOOSH mode(s)?
Drop you comments below for community or future topic requests.
And check back, because 9/13/23 – I aim to drop an article on whether or not these anxious ways and WHOOSH have productive, even talented features for your world!
[1] Honig, J. Let’s Begin Again With A Different Conversation. The NYC Daily Post. 2022.
[2] Real, T. Fierce Intimacy. Sounds True. 2018.
[3] Walker, P. Complex PTSD: From Thriving to Surviving. Create Space. 2013.
ANXIETY ANSWERS 